After many years of being married and having gone through the ups and downs of life together, either of the couple then decides to call it quits for many reasons, which we will be discussing in this article. No matter how long the marriage lasted, it is still a troubling matter when a divorce ensues. If there are children, they are the ones affected to no end.
Also, it affects both separating partners. Honestly, it is not always advisable to initiate a divorce unless your life and safety are on the line, especially when there are children who would end up bearing the costs of their parent’s choices.
Divorce normally occurs because of the negligence, ignorance, and selfish deeds of either of the partners. When a partner is selfish and ignorant, they do not hesitate to do things to their own satisfaction, disregarding how their significant other would feel once they found out. In this article, we have curated some of the reasons why couples divorce after years of being married.
Is Divorce The Way?
Honestly, there is no right answer to this question. But if it were for a fact that you both loved yourselves to no end, how come divorce is now a matter to be considered? What happened along the way that has caused either or both partners to now bitterly want out of the marriage?
So many experts who believe in the power of love and the fact that it can reinvigorate a failing marriage mostly suggest that, if one’s life, safety, and peace are not on the line, one should not immediately think about divorce. Therefore, one should make divorce the very last option unless it is absolutely necessary. The following are some of the reasons why most couples divorce even after several years of marriage:
8 Reasons Why Couples Divorce
Poor Or Lack Of Proper Communication
You need to understand that good communication is the basis for every strong relationship. Because without it, things are left unsaid, and partners are left to their own devices. Lack of proper communication leads to issues being swept under the rug, instead of both partners coming up with the right approach to tackle the issue, they choose the easy way, disregarding the fact that it is hurting their marriage.
When such things pile up and are continuously avoided, it gets to a point where it all comes crashing down. Without proper communication, both partners slowly drift away from each other and, in the end, find themselves on opposing ends.
Since marriage is a form of relationship, both partners need to recognise the importance of talking about what they need in a more effective way as well as seeing to it that those needs are taken care of. Effective communication in a marriage is when both partners are there for each other and are always ready to give the other an ear and provide them with the needed support.
Proper communication involves both partners being there for each other, not judging each other, and also making sure that each partner feels listened to and understood.
If it so happens that either or both of the partners neglect the importance of this key point, they first of all forget the key meaning of their marriage, and secondly, they begin to pave their way towards separation. This is one of the very common reasons and causes of divorce.
A study revealed that 67.5 percent of marriages fail as a result of poor communication. No matter how strong the bond married partners share, without proper communication, the marriage is bound to fail.
Infidelity
This is one of the most strongest and tangible grounds on which most marriages are annulled. It can also mean having an extramarital affair. Even the Christian religion supports a person’s decision to divorce their partner once there is tangible evidence of unfaithfulness. It hurts a lot when one partner, husband or wife goes outside of the marriage to seek sexual or emotional satisfaction from other people while their partner is available.
The reasons why people cheat in marriages are not tangible enough. Most people base their infidelity on the fact that they were angry, others say they wanted revenge; and most of the time, the few reasons that actually make sense but are still not justifiable enough are when the one at fault claims that they were not getting enough emotional or sexual attention from their partner.
But as stated previously, even if one partner truly was not receiving enough attention emotionally and sexually, it must not be a reason why one should decide to cheat.
Doing so puts the marriage in a precarious situation where the other partner now feels betrayed. And no matter how much forgiveness the one at fault asks, the damage done would be irreparable. Nothing would be enough to win back that love and trust again. And as such, the only way to avoid any unwanted future occurrences is by getting a divorce.
A study revealed that 20 to 40 percent of marriages that end in shambles are all the result of a partner’s infidelity or extramarital affairs. And this revelation means this factor plays a huge role in most failing marriages.
Unrealistic Expectations
Many people still live in a fantasy world, even after marriage. And after watching a series of romance movies here and there, they expect their married life to be like the movies they watch. Life is much more real than that. Many people enter matrimony with certain expectations and anticipations based on what they have seen in movies, heard people say, and many more. In the end, they forget that this life is never meant to be balanced.
There will never be a perfect marriage. And if there ever was one, it would either be on social media, in the movies, or in your dreams.
The first two, are absolutely misleading since they are made for publicity’s sake, while the last one is a result of your fantasied expectations. When you get married, keep in mind that the expectation you have in mind is not something you must base your marriage on. Because once you base on that, you put a lot of pressure on your spouse, and they would have to force themselves to live up to that standard.
You need to know that once they chose not to lead that kind of life anymore, you would think that they were imposters, while it was as a result of pressure and also their naiveness to make you like them.
Once they begin to burn out and realize that such a façade is pointless, then that would mean that the relationship would be coming to an end since you can’t seem to see what you want in them, and they in turn do not want to overexert themselves by doing something that is totally unlike them. Having unrealistic expectations is one of the many common ways that couples divorce.
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Constant Arguments
Research indicates that 57.7 percent of couples who divorce are the result of constant arguments. When misunderstandings and conflicts occur in a relationship, they help both partners bond. Actually, partners are supposed to communicate about it and bond more.
In doing so, they both recognize each other’s deal breakers and many other triggers, If things like these happen, then it means that the marriage is on a healthy track. But it becomes a problem when both partners engage in pointless arguments over and over again.
They do so because neither of the couples refuses to accept a situation. And as married partners, they forget the importance of compromising and, in the end, force their marriage to the corner, where divorce becomes inevitable.
Abuse
Another reason for most divorces is when one of the partners inflicts any form of abuse on the other. It could be physical or emotional. When there is abuse in a marriage, the victim is mostly affected in many ways, including being confused about his or her standing in the marriage.
When abuse goes on for a long time, the victim, at some point in time, would want out as a way to prioritize their safety. If it is physical abuse, the best way for most people is to get a divorce.
Honestly, for this matter, it is usually the best choice when people decide to go for a divorce. You can not sacrifice your life all because you think you love an abusive partner. Many women have died as a result of not using their heads to think.
They mostly choose to stay because they believe their children will suffer the most when there is a divorce. Of course, the children will suffer, but they will be even more miserable when one of their parents dies from abuse. Therefore for all the reasons and causes of divorce, this is more tangible and highly recommended, especially by experts in the field.
Lack Of Intimacy
When the marriage is void of intimacy, then both partners might as well start seeing each other as brother and sister. Why in the world would anyone be under the same roof with their spouse and refuse to do anything with them that suggests that they are being intimate? Intimacy is not only about sex, as we all might know. It also includes both your ability to enjoy time together and to bond on a much different level. It is done by focusing on things that keep you both closer and more attracted to each other. Failure to prioritize intimacy has led to marriages crumbling.
Addiction
One notable cause of divorce is addiction. It could be an addiction to substance abuse, sex, and many others. Not every partner out there would want to spend his or her life with a person who fails to come clean about their addiction problems. When a spouse is addicted to something, they end up wasting time, energy, and resources on it. In the end, whatever they are addicted to, takes the place of family and when they fail to recognize this problem and deal with it accordingly, they end up losing their spouses in an inevitable divorce.
Financial Irresponsibility
In the relationship, there may be times when either of the partners begins to engage in certain habits that make their irresponsibility with money apparent. When this situation goes on for a while, the other partner starts to wonder how the future will be with a partner who fails to recognize the consequences of their actions. And as such, when all else fails in trying to sell sense to the other partner, then the best way out becomes divorce.
How Divorce Affects People
Divorce can affect people in so many ways, but for the effectiveness of this article, we will provide you a few of these effects.
Trauma Ensues
For the children, especially, they are the ones who suffer the brunt of after-divorce effects. They might have no control over why both parents separated but mentally and emotionally, and at times physically, the toll it takes on them can be quite draining.
They would have to accept the fact that their parents are probably never getting back together; they will have to deal with moving and meeting new people. And possibly having new step-parents, which can be daunting mostly all the time.
Depression
Most of the time, after a divorce, both partners as well as the children (if any) go through an inevitable phase. It is an inevitable and painful phase because, no matter how long the marriage lasted, the sudden realization of not being together with the person you once thought you could die for is quite shocking. And you would have to live with that scar for, possibly, the rest of your life.
Getting Addicted
After a divorce, both partners stand a chance of getting addicted to something; mostly, these things could be drugs, alcohol, and many others. They do not get addicted because they want to; they get addicted to these things because the after-effects of a divorce will not permit them to think peacefully or even sleep tight like they would want.
So as a form of distraction and a way to seek solace, they then decide to do drugs or engage in any other activity that can serve as a form of comfort and that can include sex. And while at it, they get addicted to them in the process.
Guilt
When there is a divorce, every single person in the nuclear family mostly feels guilty. Everyone else starts to think that they must have had a hand in it somewhere along the line. And as such, they all had it coming.
Regardless of who was the cause of the divorce, everyone feels guilty that the previously harmonious relationship is no longer what it used to be. It leads also to depression and anxiety when one thinks of it too much.
Financial Challenges
Regardless if the now-divorced partners had good-paying jobs, there would still be financial problems, especially when there are kids to be taken care of, bills to pay, food, clothing, and several other basic necessities to provide.
And for all these things, a single parent will definitely find it difficult to carry the burden alone and as such, financial challenges become unavoidable.
Key Takeaways
Aside from the few effects listed above, there are many others, but in the end, what you need to know is people marry the ones they love. No one in this world would just get up one day and decide to marry their enemy unless they were actually suicidal. Whatever happens in a marriage, infidelity is one thing that must not be tolerated.
And both partners must do their best to stay out of it. Also, one other headache is abuse, If you ever have this thoughts about abusing your partner in any way, think first about what your kids will see you to be, and also think about the pain you inflict on your partner; it does not matter whether it is physical or not. But once they hurt, it means you must not be the one to do that.
Let an outsider do that, and then you defend them. But if you do that, how can you ever think you are fit or mature enough to be married?
