You must have heard about the concept of “setting boundaries in relationships” several times. And you might have wondered what it actually is or what role it plays in relationships. Well, it is not something you need to rack your brains to understand.
In every relationship, not only romantic ones, boundaries cannot be done away with. No relationship can actually exist without some kind of guidelines to determine where a person’s freedom starts and ends. When you have healthy boundaries, the safety of your well-being and that of your partner is well assured.
With boundaries in relationships, effective communication is able to take place, such that each partner knows what the other likes and dislikes, so as to stay away from crossing certain lines they are not supposed to.
One thing about relationships is that there is a need for mutual respect, and the one thing that can foster it is when the relationship partners have healthy boundaries in the relationship.
In this article, we will analyze the concept of what boundaries are. Not only will we provide insights into some things you need to know about boundaries alone, but we will also dive into some types of boundaries you need to know.
It will be very useful for you to understand some of the benefits of having boundaries in relationships, and so we will cover them in this article.
Aside from that, you will get to understand what distinguishes a healthy boundary from an unhealthy one. If you are ready, let us dive into it.
What To Know About Boundaries
Boundaries are the guidelines people live by that seek to secure their well-being. Basically, you can view boundaries as the shell you have that protects you from any external influence that might potentially ruin your peace of mind.
Unfortunately, this generation sees the setting of boundaries as a way to push people away and establish a certain kind of superiority, but what they fail to understand is that setting boundaries does not mean that, since you are protecting your well-being, you must disregard that of others.
Not necessarily. But mostly, boundaries are set as a way of also seeing to the well-being of others. It depends on what you define as acceptable and what is not.
When you set up healthy boundaries, not only do you protect your own boundaries but also those of others, such that, as your interests are respected, theirs are not also trampled upon; that is what a healthy boundary is supposed to be.
The one thing about boundaries is that they also seek to drive both partners to respect each other’s views. Thereby, helping them both to increase the bond they share, understand each other, and live more harmoniously.
Naturally, in every relationship, there are boundaries; after all, it is a basic requirement for relationships to stand strong and healthy. But what you need to consider is how healthy and effective those boundaries are.
Are they healthy enough to help the relationship thrive without one or both of the partners feeling like they are being taken for granted?
Factors That Can Influence The Setting Of Boundaries
Morality
It could be morally influenced at times, where, due to how the person has lived their life, they see something as acceptable while others are not, and as such, they try to express that opinion by setting boundaries that will keep such things at bay.
These moral standards, more or less, stem from the person’s life experiences. These things sum up together to influence their choices and opinions when it comes to setting boundaries.
You must understand that boundaries can, most of the time, be fundamentally determined by an individual’s perception of what is and is not acceptable. They are not always shaped by religious principles, as we will discuss in a while.
Life Experiences
Additionally, a person’s life experiences may have an impact on the boundaries they set. Some experiences in life teach a person so many lessons that they try to avoid similar situations in the future.
Setting boundaries that will safeguard their well-being from such events is the only way to prevent such experiences from happening to a person.
Sometimes, as a result of how awful those experiences end up being, they decide to establish appropriate boundaries for anything that could be concerning in order to prevent similar incidents in the future.
Religious Beliefs
Also, religious beliefs play a huge role when it comes to the setting of boundaries. Religion is a huge tool that has the potential to alter how people think, thereby altering their beliefs.
Because of this, whenever they come across something that contradicts their religious convictions, they attempt to put in place systems that will shield and direct them from acting in a way that could divert from their religious path.
Their religious affiliations significantly influence these systems, which serve as boundaries.
Personal Interests
Another thing that has a huge influence on the setting of boundaries is the person’s personal interests.
Regardless of how the person might have been brought up, their experiences, and their religious affiliations, when it comes to setting boundaries, most of the time, personal interests take precedence.
This mostly happens in relationships that have no real bonds, such as toxic ones. In these kinds of situations, most of the boundaries that are set tend to be unhealthy ones. For that one, we will talk about it in detail in a bit.
Upbringing
When you are young, your parents play a huge role in what you grow up knowing is okay and what is not.
There have been times when, as a child, your parents reprimanded you several times about something you thought was okay, and now, due to how frequently you were disciplined about those things, it has more or less been deeply instilled in you, and as such, automatically, it becomes a part of you and goes a long way to even affect the boundaries you set for yourself and what you see as okay and what is not.
Types Of Boundaries
Like many other things, setting boundaries is not always centered on one part of your life. And so, in every aspect of your life, boundaries are very much required.
As you live life, make mistakes, and learn from them, you get to understand how important boundaries are and how much we need them to make our lives better and better.
Some types of boundaries you must encourage in your relationships are as follows:
Time Boundaries
When it comes to relationships, one boundary that needs to be encouraged is time. Both partners need to make sure that setting time boundaries becomes a necessity.
Most of the time, this boundary makes people seem like they are the busiest people on the planet, but actually, that might not be the case; who knows, they might have an obligation they need to attend.
To employ time boundaries in your relationships, both partners must come to a mutual agreement and see to it that they develop the required discipline to make sure that those boundaries are not trampled on.
And one thing you need to keep in mind is that boundaries are not meant to inhibit your freedom. Keep that in the back of your mind because, if you are not careful enough to make it as flexible as possible, you might both feel like you are being suffocated.
Meanwhile, you both might have had an agreement prior. So, when you employ time boundaries in your relationship, you both must understand what you both need and what you want to get out of it.
All you both need to keep in mind is that mutual understanding is key. This boundary can be set about the time both of you must be home for family, no matter what.
That way, when both partners are able to adhere to this boundary, it helps life to be sequential and well-balanced, also helping the partners to grow deeper in their bond.
Emotional Boundaries
When it comes to relationships, emotions are one of the main driving forces behind the love both parties have.
Once it is exhausted, or there is something that causes it to be unstable, then there can be a problem.
People have different emotional states; some are strong, while others are weak. And most of the time, fortunately, or unfortunately, these two kinds of people meet in relationships.
And once that happens, it becomes very important for both partners to set boundaries that will seek the well-being of both partners.
That way, the ones with weaker emotional states are well protected. Some of these boundaries sometimes include what can be said or done to the person and those that cannot.
And this one in particular requires effective communication to take place; if not, there will be multiple cases of someone feeling disrespected or things of that nature.
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Sexual Boundaries
In relationships, most people see sex as a normal thing, and as such, once a single person is in the mood, the other must definitely be.
But what we do forget is that, for that encounter to be enjoyable, it requires both people to be in the mood for it. It is not always the case that a person will be in the mood to go surfing on a pleasure wave.
At times, people need time for themselves to just enjoy some time, free of everything, including any sexually related activity.
This boundary is even more required, especially in new relationships where both partners are still getting to know each other.
Mostly, it is very important to establish this understanding in the first few meetings to prevent the situation where the other party will feel betrayed because, as this generation sees it, sex is seen as a way of saying “hello” to every first date, which is not supposed to be so. So to be safe, setting sexual boundaries is very key.
Financial Boundaries
Just like every other boundary that is set for relationships, this requires both parties to communicate and come to a mutual understanding in order to avoid any future misunderstanding.
Because, naturally, there are people who love to spend and those who do not. And so, when these two kinds of people come together in a romantic relationship, it becomes very important for both of them to clarify everything that needs to be said.
The Other Types Of Boundaries
Aside from the above, there are two main types of boundaries that encompass the ones above. We have healthy and unhealthy boundaries.
Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are any boundaries that seek to foster positive relations between the two partners. It helps the two parties to always come to a mutual understanding due to the nature of these boundaries.
One thing about healthy boundaries is that they do not promote anything of selfish interest but rather see to it that no one is exploited or has their free will trampled upon.
That way, there is always respect and understanding between both parties. The most basic requirement is that there must be constant and effective communication.
Unhealthy Boundaries
After knowing a few things about what healthy boundaries are, you need to know that unhealthy boundaries mainly focus on exploiting the other person in the relationship.
Once there are unhealthy boundaries in the relationship, it happens that, almost all the time, there are misunderstandings in the relationship, which can lead to the relationship not working out in the end.
Benefits Of Having Boundaries In Your Relationships
- Your mental health is secured
- It helps you to be assertive
- It saves you from being exploited
- Also, it helps you build healthy relationships
- It helps to uphold your esteem
What To Take Home
Boundaries are essential in every relationship, no matter what kind it is. It is a requirement in the home, the workplace, school, and basically everywhere you find yourself; it is needed and cannot be done away with, as it is what helps relationships thrive.
What you need to keep in mind is that relationships need healthy boundaries, and so you need to start incorporating them into your relationships to make them more peaceful and enjoyable.
