Sex can be a wonderful thing when done right. It brings couples closer, relieves stress, and gives that feeling of connection that goes beyond words. But let’s be honest, sometimes sex doesn’t feel good anymore. Sometimes you’re not even in the mood to have it with your partner. That doesn’t always mean you don’t love them; it often means something is quietly ruining your sex life without you realising it.
The good news? Most of these problems are not impossible to fix. With awareness, communication, and a willingness to make small changes, your sex life can go from frustrating to fulfilling again.
Here are five things that might be silently ruining your sex life.
1. Skipping Foreplay
Yes, a quickie every now and then is fine. Life is busy, sometimes you don’t have the time for candles, massages, and hours of build-up. But here’s the danger: if skipping foreplay becomes the norm, your sex life will suffer.
Foreplay isn’t just “extra” stuff before sex. It prepares both the body and the mind. For women especially, it helps the body lubricate naturally and makes sex more comfortable. Without it, sex can feel rushed, dry, and even painful. And pain is the fastest way to kill the mood for next time.
But there’s also the emotional side. Foreplay tells your partner: “I care about you. I’m invested in making you feel good.” For many women, kissing, touching, and slow build-up aren’t just physical, they are emotional reassurance. Skipping it can make your partner feel like you’re only interested in satisfying yourself.
So, don’t make the mistake of seeing foreplay as optional. Think of it as the warm-up before the main event. The better the warm-up, the better the performance.
2. Letting the Kids Sleep in Your Bed
Parenthood changes everything, including your sex life. If your kids are in bed with you every night, then chances are intimacy between you and your partner has been quietly pushed aside. It’s hard to feel sexy when you’ve got a toddler kicking you in the ribs.
Of course, kids need comfort sometimes. If they’ve had a nightmare or are feeling sick, it makes sense to let them in. But when it becomes the routine rather than the exception, your relationship pays the price.
Children thrive when their parents have a strong bond. And that bond is strengthened by intimacy. Protect your bedroom as a space for you and your partner. Teach your kids that your room is not their permanent sleeping place. You deserve private space too and your relationship will thank you for it.
3. Not Talking About Sex
This one sounds simple, but it ruins more sex lives than anything else. Too many couples avoid the topic because it feels awkward or “unromantic.” But here’s the truth: your partner is not a mind reader. They can’t possibly know what you like, dislike, or fantasise about unless you tell them.
Talking about sex can feel scary at first, but it’s freeing. Tell your partner what turns you on. Share what positions you enjoy most. If something isn’t working, don’t just silently endure it, gently talk about it.
This isn’t about criticising each other. It’s about building intimacy. Imagine how much better sex could feel if your partner knew exactly what made you moan, what made you wet, what made you lose yourself completely in the moment. That doesn’t happen by chance. It happens through communication.
So, stop being shy. Open your mouth outside the bedroom so you can open up inside it.
4. Overdoing Masturbation
Let’s be clear: masturbation is not the enemy. It’s healthy, stress-relieving, and even good for your sexual awareness. In fact, some couples find it exciting to watch each other do it.
The problem is when it starts to replace your partner. If you’re reaching for your hand more often than reaching for them, that’s a red flag. If your partner tries to initiate sex and you turn them down because you’d rather take care of yourself, you’re slowly disconnecting intimacy.
Think of it like this: masturbation should complement your sex life, not compete with it. Use it as an extra tool, not as a replacement. If you notice you’re more excited by your own solo sessions than by the thought of being with your partner, it’s time to address it.
5. Not Being Open to Trying New Things
Routine is comforting, but in the bedroom, routine can become a trap. If you do the same position, in the same bed, at the same time, every single time… well, no wonder it starts feeling boring.
This doesn’t mean you need to try extreme or uncomfortable things. Boundaries are important. But every now and then, spice things up. Try a different position. Have sex somewhere unexpected, the shower, the living room. The thrill of “getting caught” can inject fun and adrenaline into your sex life.
Sometimes trying new things isn’t just about positions. It’s about vulnerability. Roleplay. Talking dirty. Dressing up. Experimenting within your comfort zone keeps sex from becoming predictable. And predictability is the death of desire.
Final Thoughts
If your sex life feels stale, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. It just means something is getting in the way and the good news is that most of these issues can be fixed with a bit of effort and openness.
- Stop skipping foreplay.
- Keep the kids in their own beds.
- Talk openly about what you want.
- Don’t let masturbation replace your partner.
- And be willing to try new things.
Great sex doesn’t just happen. It takes intention, communication, and a willingness to prioritise your partner’s pleasure as much as your own. Do that, and your sex life won’t just survive it will thrive.
